Hi, any-remaining-blog-readers!
I'm leaving for Croatia on July 29th...that's 11 days...but who's counting! I've gotten ALMOST everything ready. I'm almost packed, I've had every sweater I own dry cleaned ($99: ouch!) and I've stockpiled the two personal products I don't think I can find Croatian substitutes for and can't live without: deodorant and leave-in conditioner for my hair. I can say "where are the tampons?" (Gdje su tampon?) and "The bathroom is out of toilet paper" (kupaonica nema toaletni papir!), and "I don't understand; I'm an American," or, in hostile situations, "I don't understand; I'm Canadian." (Ne razumijem; ja sam amerikanka/Kanadjanka").
I guess I'm ready. I need new shoes and a headset so I can Skype. I have to figure out how to squeeze a couple more books into my backpack. I still have to rip about 40 CDs to my new laptop. I'm trying really, really hard not to worry about my visa or about whether I'll get an assistantship when I come back or have to pay my own tuition ($15000-ish). I'm absolutely refusing to think about how badly I'm going to miss my friends, how little I'll be able to talk to my brother on the phone anymore, or whether or not my grandmother is going to recognize me when I get back (she may have Alzheimers).
I'm not losing my hair anymore: turns out it was a side effect of my medication. When I got off of that, my hair quit falling out and my wig got stuck under my bed. This cute engineer in Columbus bought me dinner. I'm still gorgeous, right? Right?!?!?!
And here's my new blog: http://lace-making.blogspot.com/ I won't be posting on this blog until I get back next summer. Be in touch. See you in December.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Doctorz Sux0rz
So, I went to the dermatologist today to look at my hair. She stayed with me for all of about 8 minutes (goodbye, fifty bucks), peered at my scalp, and said that I have no new hair growing and she doesn't know why it's falling out and there's nothing she can do. Wow, great bedside manner, woman. She said it is probably one of three things: 1)my iron deficiency, 2) the Celexa I'm taking, 3) or the fact that I had a fever for 5 days in January, which mayhave shocked my body into stopping hair production. She said probably it's the iron deficiency, which is what everyone has been saying, so we'll just go with that.
But then, just in case the words "no new hair is growing on your head" weren't horrifying enough, she said that if my hair hasn't started growing in 2 months, we'd need to do a biopsy. A biopsy of WHAT? There's no such thing as HAIR cancer!!!!! As IF that's not enough horror for one 8 minute period, she pointed out that Croatia doesn't have especially good health care, so I'll have to find a doctor in Germany. I hope by all that's holy that CBF's insurance policy is good. Carol says it is.
I'm going to my usual doctor on Tuesday for hepatitus shots ("jabs," as Taryn calls them!), and I'm going to get her to do a blood test to see how my iron levels are. If they're closer to normal (and good heavens, I have been taking some horse pills and eating a lot of red meat, so they BETTER be improving!) I'm going to go off my Celexa.
Man, this blog has been a real downer lately. On a cheerier note, I had a great time at the beach, got all tan and relaxed and gorged myself on raw oysters every night. I'm STILL really, really excited about moving overseas, even if I'm bald and have to wear my "date hair" (i.e. MILF wig). Better to be bald in Europe than bald in Knoxville. The new house Jessie and I are moving to is ADORABLE, and I'm turning in my revised first chapter tonight. 42 pages drafted now.
But then, just in case the words "no new hair is growing on your head" weren't horrifying enough, she said that if my hair hasn't started growing in 2 months, we'd need to do a biopsy. A biopsy of WHAT? There's no such thing as HAIR cancer!!!!! As IF that's not enough horror for one 8 minute period, she pointed out that Croatia doesn't have especially good health care, so I'll have to find a doctor in Germany. I hope by all that's holy that CBF's insurance policy is good. Carol says it is.
I'm going to my usual doctor on Tuesday for hepatitus shots ("jabs," as Taryn calls them!), and I'm going to get her to do a blood test to see how my iron levels are. If they're closer to normal (and good heavens, I have been taking some horse pills and eating a lot of red meat, so they BETTER be improving!) I'm going to go off my Celexa.
Man, this blog has been a real downer lately. On a cheerier note, I had a great time at the beach, got all tan and relaxed and gorged myself on raw oysters every night. I'm STILL really, really excited about moving overseas, even if I'm bald and have to wear my "date hair" (i.e. MILF wig). Better to be bald in Europe than bald in Knoxville. The new house Jessie and I are moving to is ADORABLE, and I'm turning in my revised first chapter tonight. 42 pages drafted now.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Wig is a st00pid word
but i just spent $300 on one.
No, i haven't got bald patches yet. But it had gotten to the point where every time i washed my hair and lost a handful i would spend twenty minutes in tears because i thought I'd be hideous. So I finally decided to go ahead and buy a wig so if (probably WHEN) I need one, I'll already be comfortable with it.
And it's cute, as you can see from the picture. Naturally, I bought a straight one with bangs...a style my own hair would NEVER be coaxed into, and I like it. I am wearing it to church tonight because I'm hoping I will feel like less of a freak once I realize that people are not going to care that I don't have the same hair...it looks real enough, I think, that no one can tell.
But here's a list of the things you should NEVER say to a young woman who's losing her hair:
1: Well, now you know how I feel!! (from a man: being a bald man is not nearly as much of a stigma as being a bald woman. Ask yourself, guys, would YOU be attracted to a woman with no hair? unlikely)
2. Oh, it isn't going to all fall out. No one can tell it's thinner (of course you can't: I HAD incredibly thick hair. but I have half as much hair as I did a month ago, and believe me, this time next month EVERYONE will be able to tell)
3. Yeah, I had iron deficiency. I fainted once. (really, you fainted? Did you go around ugly for months and months, feeling undesirable and unwanted? doubtful)
4. Your wig is cute, but I liked your real hair better (guess what, Einstein, so did I!!)
Basically, I have enough stress in my life right now: working on my dissertation, being kicked out of my house, and moving to another country where I don't speak the language. I didn't need this; I didn't need to feel ugly and unattractive too. I have to stand up in front of church groups (I'm going to speak at Mission Friends tonight) and that's hard to do when you just want to hide under the bed.
The one thing anyone has said that made me feel better was when I was complaining to my old college friend JD. He loves long hair, and he was mournful that I had had to cut four inches off mine (in preparation for the buzz cut it'll prolly be getting before long). I said, "It really, really sucks. I'm not going to be hot forever." And he said, "Yes, you will be." That's the only thing anyone could have said to make me feel less miserable...to feel like there was someone to whom I'd be beautiful even without my hair.
Well, in addition to Jessie's cat Chaplin...I'm pretty sure his love for me is unconditional :)
No, i haven't got bald patches yet. But it had gotten to the point where every time i washed my hair and lost a handful i would spend twenty minutes in tears because i thought I'd be hideous. So I finally decided to go ahead and buy a wig so if (probably WHEN) I need one, I'll already be comfortable with it.
And it's cute, as you can see from the picture. Naturally, I bought a straight one with bangs...a style my own hair would NEVER be coaxed into, and I like it. I am wearing it to church tonight because I'm hoping I will feel like less of a freak once I realize that people are not going to care that I don't have the same hair...it looks real enough, I think, that no one can tell.
But here's a list of the things you should NEVER say to a young woman who's losing her hair:
1: Well, now you know how I feel!! (from a man: being a bald man is not nearly as much of a stigma as being a bald woman. Ask yourself, guys, would YOU be attracted to a woman with no hair? unlikely)
2. Oh, it isn't going to all fall out. No one can tell it's thinner (of course you can't: I HAD incredibly thick hair. but I have half as much hair as I did a month ago, and believe me, this time next month EVERYONE will be able to tell)
3. Yeah, I had iron deficiency. I fainted once. (really, you fainted? Did you go around ugly for months and months, feeling undesirable and unwanted? doubtful)
4. Your wig is cute, but I liked your real hair better (guess what, Einstein, so did I!!)
Basically, I have enough stress in my life right now: working on my dissertation, being kicked out of my house, and moving to another country where I don't speak the language. I didn't need this; I didn't need to feel ugly and unattractive too. I have to stand up in front of church groups (I'm going to speak at Mission Friends tonight) and that's hard to do when you just want to hide under the bed.
The one thing anyone has said that made me feel better was when I was complaining to my old college friend JD. He loves long hair, and he was mournful that I had had to cut four inches off mine (in preparation for the buzz cut it'll prolly be getting before long). I said, "It really, really sucks. I'm not going to be hot forever." And he said, "Yes, you will be." That's the only thing anyone could have said to make me feel less miserable...to feel like there was someone to whom I'd be beautiful even without my hair.
Well, in addition to Jessie's cat Chaplin...I'm pretty sure his love for me is unconditional :)
Monday, May 5, 2008
how Iron-ic
(sorry, couldn't help myself)
I've always wished I had different hair...mine is too thick, unmaneagable, won't do side-swept bangs, wouldn't do that Jennifer Aniston cut back in the 90's....
And now I'm extremely iron-deficient and my hair is falling out. Literally, and I mean by the handful. You can't tell by looking yet, because my hair is so thick I can lose a lot and still have twice as much hair as your everyday sorority girl. But if it keeps up at this rate there will be a wig in my near future and I'm not kidding. My hair's thinner all right...just not in the way I wanted.
I went to the doctor and I'm taking a lot of iron, and drinking a lot of orange juice to help me absorb the iron. And I have freaking MORNING sickness because the iron has upset my stomach....if I am going to be throwing up in the morning I want the sex and the baby to go along with it!!
Sorry to complain...but it's scary to me to be so sick that my hair is falling out only three months before i leave the country. and scary that I might look like a complete freak in just a few weeks. I'm trying not to worry about it, and trying to convince myself that things will be O-KAY if I have thin hair for a while. it's not like i'll have thin hair forever...I'll take my pills and it'll grow back just like it's always been....
But i don't feel okay about it. Like Char says...we won't be hawt forever.
I've always wished I had different hair...mine is too thick, unmaneagable, won't do side-swept bangs, wouldn't do that Jennifer Aniston cut back in the 90's....
And now I'm extremely iron-deficient and my hair is falling out. Literally, and I mean by the handful. You can't tell by looking yet, because my hair is so thick I can lose a lot and still have twice as much hair as your everyday sorority girl. But if it keeps up at this rate there will be a wig in my near future and I'm not kidding. My hair's thinner all right...just not in the way I wanted.
I went to the doctor and I'm taking a lot of iron, and drinking a lot of orange juice to help me absorb the iron. And I have freaking MORNING sickness because the iron has upset my stomach....if I am going to be throwing up in the morning I want the sex and the baby to go along with it!!
Sorry to complain...but it's scary to me to be so sick that my hair is falling out only three months before i leave the country. and scary that I might look like a complete freak in just a few weeks. I'm trying not to worry about it, and trying to convince myself that things will be O-KAY if I have thin hair for a while. it's not like i'll have thin hair forever...I'll take my pills and it'll grow back just like it's always been....
But i don't feel okay about it. Like Char says...we won't be hawt forever.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I feel GUILTY!!!
I bet you wanna know why. Did I get schlonkered on a weeknight again? No, I'm the SOUL of moderation (although I admit to drinking a glass of wine tonight with my three-cheese tortellini with wilted spinach, and to purchasing said wine because it was called "Smoking Loon"). Did I punch someone in the mouth? No, that's for Saturday. Did I squander $900 on a new computer? Yes, but I don't feel guilty about THAT.
I tutored a Korean guy in the writing center this week who gave me this fancy pen from Korea and said I should come to Korea and visit his parents. I just ran into him in the grocery store, and, yep, he asked me what I was doing this weekend, and when I intimated that I had plans Friday and Saturday nights (which, thankfully, I do, so I didn't lie), just out-and-out asked for my number. And I said I was about to spend the summer in Texas and then leave the country. Also, more than 50% true. But I felt TERRIBLE....there's nothing wrong with this guy: he's nice-looking, friendly and nice, and a PhD student. I just don't feel like giving my number to some random guy and then going on a date with a virtual stranger! But I HATE to reject people, because there's NO way to do it kindly except to say you've got a boyfriend, which is essentially what I've been doing with a certain oddball coworker who I don't want to have to turn down outright because, bless his heart, he's a nice guy but pretty weird. Where is this boyfriend, though, since I never bring him to parties or seem to actually go out with him? oh.....he......lives in......CROATIA, let's say.
I think lying is wrong.....but is it really untrue to personify rejection and fabricate a boyfriend? It isn't so much an attempt to deceive as an attempt to salvage someone else's feelings. Just call rejection "boyfriend" instead of "No you can't have my number because I don't want to date you."
I tutored a Korean guy in the writing center this week who gave me this fancy pen from Korea and said I should come to Korea and visit his parents. I just ran into him in the grocery store, and, yep, he asked me what I was doing this weekend, and when I intimated that I had plans Friday and Saturday nights (which, thankfully, I do, so I didn't lie), just out-and-out asked for my number. And I said I was about to spend the summer in Texas and then leave the country. Also, more than 50% true. But I felt TERRIBLE....there's nothing wrong with this guy: he's nice-looking, friendly and nice, and a PhD student. I just don't feel like giving my number to some random guy and then going on a date with a virtual stranger! But I HATE to reject people, because there's NO way to do it kindly except to say you've got a boyfriend, which is essentially what I've been doing with a certain oddball coworker who I don't want to have to turn down outright because, bless his heart, he's a nice guy but pretty weird. Where is this boyfriend, though, since I never bring him to parties or seem to actually go out with him? oh.....he......lives in......CROATIA, let's say.
I think lying is wrong.....but is it really untrue to personify rejection and fabricate a boyfriend? It isn't so much an attempt to deceive as an attempt to salvage someone else's feelings. Just call rejection "boyfriend" instead of "No you can't have my number because I don't want to date you."
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
There Will Be Blood
I'd postponed seeing this movie because I'd heard it was very long and kinda dragged. I didn't think so, and I have a super-short attention span, so it must be good. I don't have anything smart to say about it, so I'll just make the suggestion that you should see it, especially if you liked No Country for Old Men, which is undoubtedly better, but still in the same family.
What I DO have to say is much better than any movie review though. Before There Will Be Blood, I saw a trailer for a movie set in NYC. It was about a photographer trying to capture "the heart of the City," so he took pictures in the subway at night. He happened to get a picture of a woman just as a serial killer sneaked up behind her and lopped off her head with an ax. The photographer begins to photograph many of the killer's beheadings, and we learn that the bodies are never found. There are some scenes in a meat locker.
The name of this quality film? Midnight Meat Train.
What I DO have to say is much better than any movie review though. Before There Will Be Blood, I saw a trailer for a movie set in NYC. It was about a photographer trying to capture "the heart of the City," so he took pictures in the subway at night. He happened to get a picture of a woman just as a serial killer sneaked up behind her and lopped off her head with an ax. The photographer begins to photograph many of the killer's beheadings, and we learn that the bodies are never found. There are some scenes in a meat locker.
The name of this quality film? Midnight Meat Train.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Secret Margarita recipe
Kara and others have asked for this, so I'll pass it along for 2 reasons: a total of about 6 people read this blog, and these things are too time-consuming and expensive to make for most people to bother. =D I'd never make them if Jessie didn't also love margaritas so she helps me pay for everything, and plus we have people over fairly often.
Two warnings: if you make the true ultimate margarita, expect to spend $80-$100. I've got instructions for the discount version, but tequila is not a liquor that you can skimp on without sacrificing the right flavor. And these things are potent: a normal margarita-glass full has five shots, which, if you do the math, is close to two shots of pure alcohol.
RECIPE:
You need three ingredients: tequila, triple sec (orange liqueur), and homemade sweet 'n sour
sweet 'n sour
you'll need sugar, water, 14 lemons and/or limes, and a juicer. Have a few extra lemons and limes on hand, just in case. I just have one of those $5 hand juicers...it's a pain, but cheap and good for the forearms! (actually I usually complain until Jessie helps juice the limes). Purists argue that "true" margaritas use limes juice instead of sweet 'n sour...but only a real hardcore tequila fan is going to drink that. I do agree that a "margarita" that isn't made with real juice is not a real margarita; it's some sort of froofy carpet-bagger drink.
Anyway, start by mixing three cups of water, one cup of sugar, and the fruit juice (I personally like 8 limes and 6 lemons, but any combination will be good). Because you can't predict the amount of juice you'll get from the fruit, and because everyone likes a different level of tangyness, there's some editing to be done here. Taste it, and add sugar and or fruit juice until it tastes the way you want. I end up adding another half to three-quarter cup of sugar. The thing to remember is that you do NOT want it to be too sweet, because the sugar will overpower the other ingredients and you won't get that layered flavor. Err on the side of sourness.
Triple Sec
You can buy a bottle of plain ol triple sec for less than ten dollars, and if you need to skimp on an ingredient this is your best choice. DeKuyper is a respectable discount brand: don't buy that garbage in the brown bottle. Another no-no is Grand Marnier, which isn't true triple sec. IIRC, it's actually a cognac, which has too much of its own taste and will, again, mess up your margarita. It'll be good, but it won't be a margarita, and it certainly won't be THE margarita!
If, however, you're going for THE margarita, buy Patron orange liqueur or Cointreau.
Tequila
now for the best part! Buy 100% blue agave tequila. I know, it costs more, but overcome the temptation to buy anything cheap. Here's the deal: your cheaper "tequilas" are only 51% true "tequila." Jose Cuervo, for instance, is 49% vodka that is dyed to make it look like the real deal. Nasty. The color of true tequila means that it's aged; the color in Cuervo is added to make frat boys think they're hardcore. If you are making THE margarita for yourself, to sip at home in a classy manner (we like to drink ours while watching original Sci-Fi channel movies, like Ice Spiders and MegaSnake), absolutely do not buy fake tequila. If you must go for quantity over quality, like if you're having guests and don't want them to drink up several hundred dollars of your liquor, buy Sauza. It ain't the real thing, but it's the best approximation I've found.
Real tequila comes in five varieties based on how long it's been aged. You want Reposado, which is the second-youngest variety. I've used older tequila, but it's too smooth. Good margarita tequila needs to have some angles. My favorite of all time is Don Carranza, an extremely inexpensive tequila that's aged in oak barrels and has a nice wood-ish flavor. I don't know if you can get this many places though: I've only bought it once, and that was in Austin, but I'm trying to find it in K-town.
I bought Milagro last night, and that is very good. I know I was hard on Jose Cuervo before, but their 100% agave tequila is tasty and inexpensive. I think it's call Traditionale or something. These are all under $40 for a fifth...Reposado is one of the cheaper 100% agave tequilas, but you can't get it for under $30. Our liquor store has brands that go up close to $100, but I haven't a clue how they taste. :D Try one and let me know, lol.
Proportions
traditionally, a margarita is 3 parts tequila, 2 parts triple sec, and one part lime juice. Pretty hardcore. I mix 3 parts tequila, two parts triple sec, and two parts sweet'n sour. I will warn you, however, that you may have guests who don't like the taste of tequila (babies), in which case you should either give them the wine coolers they secretly crave, or bring out the Sauza, fill the glass half full with the tequila/triple sec/sweet 'n sour mix, and then fill it on up with sweet' n sour. Don't give them your good tequila. It'll be like throwing your pearls before swine.
Your sweet 'n sour should be chilled beforehand, so I recommend not putting ice in the shaker because it'll water down your margarita. If you must have frozen margaritas, you are a carpetbagger and should just find a resort with a tiki hut to pose in front of.
The goal with THE margarita is the same as that of a good bottle of wine: the flavors should be layered. As such, it may be a bit of an acquired taste, especially if you're used to the kind of margaritas they serve at Applebees. now, I like my Senor Taco $14 margarita pitchers as much as anyone, but we really must have some standards.
Two warnings: if you make the true ultimate margarita, expect to spend $80-$100. I've got instructions for the discount version, but tequila is not a liquor that you can skimp on without sacrificing the right flavor. And these things are potent: a normal margarita-glass full has five shots, which, if you do the math, is close to two shots of pure alcohol.
RECIPE:
You need three ingredients: tequila, triple sec (orange liqueur), and homemade sweet 'n sour
sweet 'n sour
you'll need sugar, water, 14 lemons and/or limes, and a juicer. Have a few extra lemons and limes on hand, just in case. I just have one of those $5 hand juicers...it's a pain, but cheap and good for the forearms! (actually I usually complain until Jessie helps juice the limes). Purists argue that "true" margaritas use limes juice instead of sweet 'n sour...but only a real hardcore tequila fan is going to drink that. I do agree that a "margarita" that isn't made with real juice is not a real margarita; it's some sort of froofy carpet-bagger drink.
Anyway, start by mixing three cups of water, one cup of sugar, and the fruit juice (I personally like 8 limes and 6 lemons, but any combination will be good). Because you can't predict the amount of juice you'll get from the fruit, and because everyone likes a different level of tangyness, there's some editing to be done here. Taste it, and add sugar and or fruit juice until it tastes the way you want. I end up adding another half to three-quarter cup of sugar. The thing to remember is that you do NOT want it to be too sweet, because the sugar will overpower the other ingredients and you won't get that layered flavor. Err on the side of sourness.
Triple Sec
You can buy a bottle of plain ol triple sec for less than ten dollars, and if you need to skimp on an ingredient this is your best choice. DeKuyper is a respectable discount brand: don't buy that garbage in the brown bottle. Another no-no is Grand Marnier, which isn't true triple sec. IIRC, it's actually a cognac, which has too much of its own taste and will, again, mess up your margarita. It'll be good, but it won't be a margarita, and it certainly won't be THE margarita!
If, however, you're going for THE margarita, buy Patron orange liqueur or Cointreau.
Tequila
now for the best part! Buy 100% blue agave tequila. I know, it costs more, but overcome the temptation to buy anything cheap. Here's the deal: your cheaper "tequilas" are only 51% true "tequila." Jose Cuervo, for instance, is 49% vodka that is dyed to make it look like the real deal. Nasty. The color of true tequila means that it's aged; the color in Cuervo is added to make frat boys think they're hardcore. If you are making THE margarita for yourself, to sip at home in a classy manner (we like to drink ours while watching original Sci-Fi channel movies, like Ice Spiders and MegaSnake), absolutely do not buy fake tequila. If you must go for quantity over quality, like if you're having guests and don't want them to drink up several hundred dollars of your liquor, buy Sauza. It ain't the real thing, but it's the best approximation I've found.
Real tequila comes in five varieties based on how long it's been aged. You want Reposado, which is the second-youngest variety. I've used older tequila, but it's too smooth. Good margarita tequila needs to have some angles. My favorite of all time is Don Carranza, an extremely inexpensive tequila that's aged in oak barrels and has a nice wood-ish flavor. I don't know if you can get this many places though: I've only bought it once, and that was in Austin, but I'm trying to find it in K-town.
I bought Milagro last night, and that is very good. I know I was hard on Jose Cuervo before, but their 100% agave tequila is tasty and inexpensive. I think it's call Traditionale or something. These are all under $40 for a fifth...Reposado is one of the cheaper 100% agave tequilas, but you can't get it for under $30. Our liquor store has brands that go up close to $100, but I haven't a clue how they taste. :D Try one and let me know, lol.
Proportions
traditionally, a margarita is 3 parts tequila, 2 parts triple sec, and one part lime juice. Pretty hardcore. I mix 3 parts tequila, two parts triple sec, and two parts sweet'n sour. I will warn you, however, that you may have guests who don't like the taste of tequila (babies), in which case you should either give them the wine coolers they secretly crave, or bring out the Sauza, fill the glass half full with the tequila/triple sec/sweet 'n sour mix, and then fill it on up with sweet' n sour. Don't give them your good tequila. It'll be like throwing your pearls before swine.
Your sweet 'n sour should be chilled beforehand, so I recommend not putting ice in the shaker because it'll water down your margarita. If you must have frozen margaritas, you are a carpetbagger and should just find a resort with a tiki hut to pose in front of.
The goal with THE margarita is the same as that of a good bottle of wine: the flavors should be layered. As such, it may be a bit of an acquired taste, especially if you're used to the kind of margaritas they serve at Applebees. now, I like my Senor Taco $14 margarita pitchers as much as anyone, but we really must have some standards.
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